Pulling myself out of this slump is going to be a lot harder than I realize, but it has to be done. I feel like I'm lost & there's no way out. I'm tired of being depressed, sad, tired & worried all of the time and wondering if we'll ever get out of here. I'm tired of being pissed at my husband for not having a job yet. I'm tired of feeling fat & disgusting in everything I wear. I'm tired of not being the mother my kids deserve all of the time. I want to be happy, social & stand proud. Its my time darnit! And its gonna take work & lots of baby steps, but its gonna happen!
So tonight I stepped outside of my comfort zone. I took a picture of Noah nursing and posted it to facebook & twitter. I've never shared any nursing pics before, but I was covered enough & I was proud to still nurse my 7 month old to sleep. I also posted diapers to sell and some breastfeeding stuff online to sell. I am a mild hoarder/pack rat, so starting to go through things to get rid of is very cleansing. Hopefully they'll be bought soon & gone from the house so I'll be even more accomplished & start doing more.
And this week I'm submitting an application for a YMCA membership assistance program (they help with some of the cost), so I can get better with exercising regularly. And they have free child care for up to 2 hours, so the kids will have a chance to play/socialize without me while mommy gets healthy.
I am ready! I am tired of being this person I no longer recognize. I am ready for my life to be transformed!! :o)