Ramblings...

Tonight I have a sleeping baby on my chest because she's not feeling too well and sleeps wonderfully when snuggled up like this. Poor little thing. I'm afraid she might be allergic to Grammy & JC's house (ie: Brian's parents) like her Mommy. She didn't get really congested until we were there for a few hours and since we've been home, she's breathing better and acting better too. My allergies went nuts there today too. I still have a headache and I'm sure my blood pressure is rising right now (despite being off of the medication for over a week now because everything was doing so good!). I just really want to be healthy and normal again. I think about my pregnancy with Maddy a lot-probably because I know a TON of pregnant people right now and a few are at the 33/34 week mark--when I had Maddy. It makes me so grateful she's here and healthy and that I'm alive and ok. I seriously could have died. How suddenly the preeclampsia set it and how aggressively it attacked my body was scary. I went from no protein to well over 5000 in a week and coupled with high blood pressure and my liver enzymes not looking good...just jeesh! And I just can't help but thing "what if" a lot. I mean, what if my midwife hadn't ordered that 24-hour urine to check my protein? What if they hadn't caught it before my next appt for that Saturday? I could have had a seizure or died even. It just makes me so grateful for my life, my beautiful family, for friends and for God providing time and time again throughout it all. I just remember the extreme urgency once my 24 hour urine results came back (both times really) and not understanding how critical it was to get her out at 2:40 in the morning, 6 weeks 1 day before I was even due. I also think I better realize that I don't want to sweat the small stuff anymore. I want to make relationships I hurt, right again. I want to be a more patient mother then I was before and appreciate everyday with my girls-even if they are driving me crazy. I want to be a better wife, a better friend and a better daughter. I think I'm almost done grieving over the end of my pregnancy and ready to move onto appreciating the beauty that came from it. It has renewed my faith in God and I want to be a better Christian. I have really been tested and He has always provided in HIS way, so I know he will continue to bless us too.