Saturday, August 22, 2009


I was super depressed all evening last night. We were out for a bit this evening and when we were headed home, I started feeling really anxious and didn't want to come back here. I just felt awful, but couldn't think of a viable reason to waste gas driving around instead of heading "home", so we sucked it up and came back.

When I got here, I realized that I'm claustrophobic here. I feel very trapped and I hate it. I can't leave unless someone drives me, because my car is still not working. It might be a crank sensor? But I don't know how to do anything w/the car. Uggg. I don't have any freedom to leave the town even because we're on the top of a friggin mountain and there's nothing around for MILES and MILES.

I also have no cell service, so I cannot make or receive calls or texts. They don't have long distance, so unless you live up here too, I can't call you. I HATE this. I am used to lots of texts and phone calls from family, calling my mom at least weekly and being able to stay connected to my loved ones. Luckily my phone has wifi, so I can get online on it & update my facebook status, but I don't even get online until usually the evening and then get to bed later then I'd like. I miss feeling connected so much!! I've never lived in such a rural (*cough redneck cough*) area before and hate having to travel all over just to get to the store or wherever.

I hate physically being so far away from my loved ones. While I love Brian's family, they're just that. BRIAN'S family. I miss MY family. I'm used to spending time with my mom at least every other week and its been over a month and will be at least a few more weeks until I see her and the girls get to visit with her. It makes me feel so distant. :o/

I also don't like that I have little privacy because we're living in someone else's house. I feel like I have to ask permission to do stuff like wash my baby diapers or give Sophie a cup of water. It takes a lot to get 5 minutes alone and that's after Maddy's asleep and all taken care of. I hate feeling like I'm stepping on toes if I am using the computer or letting Sophie only eat a few bites of lunch before letting her play. Its a lot of pressure and it stinks.

I'm just praying hard for work so we can move into a new place again and not have to live out in the middle of f-ing nowhere anymore!

Ok. Venting done for now. *sigh*

1 comment:

  1. oh im so sorry :-[ i hope you feel better soon and find a job!


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