Pregnancy ramblings...

I had another Maternal Fetal Medicine appointment today & Newbie's looking good in there. Still head down & comfy. He weighs an estimated 5lbs, 13oz right now at 36 weeks...which is way bigger than Maddy was when she came home from the NICU at 36 weeks, 4 days (gestationally) weighing 4lbs, 12oz. We've gone 1 more week to go until we reach full-term, so I'm praying hard to get there and then some!

My blood pressure was a bit higher than it's typically been when they checked it today, so of course, I'm stressing out about that & probably making it higher too. I'm trying to keep my feet up & rest any moment I get the opportunity, but that's not too easy when taking care of the girls too. Maybe I can keep myself on self-prescribed semi-bed rest to keep him inside longer, since I know my blood pressure goes totally normal again when I am laying down (especially on my left side). I dunno.

The further along I get, I think the more anxious I get. I'm constantly wondering if the next doctor visit will end with them wanting to admit me or if that next phone call will be like last time & them telling me to get my butt to the hospital ASAP. I think I'm more afraid of not knowing how long I'm gonna remain healthy, than I was before. Every single test I take (NST, 24-hour urine, protein/creatine ratios, and even just the weekly blood pressure & urine checks at each appointment), make me full of anxiety & worry that something's not going to go well. Part of that is probably because I want to get to try labor. I don't want to be forced into another csection & I'm afraid that will be my only option again if my pressure keeps rising or I start showing other symptoms. I've been researching natural induction methods that are safe to try w/VBACs in case I'm forced into that scene again. Even if I'm not successful, I just want to have the chance to labor and try darnit! Besides, research states that a trial labor before a csection releases endorphins and hormones that typically help shorten the recovery time.

Ideally, I'd go into labor around July 20th, so I could have Newbie when my mom is down visiting us for a few days before she starts 6 weeks of radiation treatments. I really hope she can meet her 1st grandson when he's brand new, so I fully approve of going 2 weeks "early" or 2 weeks "late" to help that happen. Got it body? Get on that!! Maybe I'll be lucky & have my water break then or something. hehe. Oh, a girl can dream!

I know a VBAC would help me recover faster, especially if Brian starts work like he *might* be doing on Tuesday (got an offer for a similar position as before w/weekend night hours again). It's gonna be tough taking care of myself postpartum & 3 kiddos all by myself & I'm really trying to get a game plan figured out. I don't like surprises & being caught off guard if I can help it.

I'm just trying hard to keep my faith up that God will provide for us & will keep us healthy for as long as possible. It's so hard to not worry & stress when I'm constantly consumed with thinking my slightly swollen fingers are pre-e again...or they could just a sign of hot/humid summer days for a very tired & preggo lady.

So if you could pray that I make it a few more weeks--and/or my pressures stay where they are & don't go up--I'd appreciate it. I am counting on the power of prayer to help get us through a few more days/weeks. :o)