Sunday, September 5, 2010


This weekend has been a roller coaster of emotions for me.  I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment, so I'm trying to stay strong & keep it together for everyone's sake.

We are car-less again.  Brian drove the neighbor over to the bank and when they were pulling in, he felt a pop & his brake pedal went to the floor--no brakes!  Luckily, they were slow enough he coasted to a stop & he was able to get it back here, but the main hard brake line has a hole rusted through and brake fluid pours out every time you try to stop.  We're supposed to head to Lancaster for my 6 week postpartum checkup on Thursday and from there leave for Indiana for almost a week.  Not sure what we're going to do about all of that now.  We were counting on the van since there would be room for everyone/everything we need and still room for me to maneuver back there to help whichever kid needs it.  So unless we find a way to get the brakes fixed, that plan's out.  Plan B--Get the Buick!!  This entails: somehow get a ride up to my dad's house a little over 50 miles away (where the Buick is parked), get money to put gas into said car (it's on E and so is our wallet) and drive back here to pick me & kids up and continue with our plans.  Not sure how that one's gonna work either.

Brian's been super stressed about making it work, since we're going to Indiana to see his friend get married & his friend is giving us money for gas/tolls and a place to stay.  He hasn't seen his buddy since high school & he really really really wants Brian to be there apparently, even though we used every excuse imaginable--I mean, we do have a 5 week old baby after all!  But he's working hard to get Brian there & even was going to get some work done to the van if we made it out there in exchange for Brian coming & working with him a few days.  But now who knows if we'll even get to go.

We were planning on driving overnight when the kids typically sleep to keep them happy as long as possible in the vehicle and even have gross, disgusting disposable diapers to use on the road.  We won't have easy access to laundry facilities, so we're going the hybrid disposable diaper route because I am not hand-washing all of those diapers!  I guess this is what disposables are for anyway--used sparingly when you just can't do cloth.  But seeing the diapers sit in the other room makes my stomach churn just knowing they'll be tossed away and end up in some landfill.  I'm most worried about the leaks, blow-outs & rashes that will likely occur from the 'sposies.  Maddy hasn't worn more than 1 or 2 in the past 17 months and Noah only wore them at the hospital and the ONLY blow out diapers we've had in the past 17 months have occurred while wearing disposable diapers, go figure!  SO not looking forward to them!

No news on the job front too.  How many jobs can a person apply for and still not get any work?  If I didn't hate the idea so much, I'd suggest that Brian looks in other areas rather than south central Pennsylvania, but I couldn't stay away from my family that much.  When will we get work again?!  Or heck, even unemployment getting suddenly reinstated would be surely welcomed!  Just something other than the $9 left to our names, piles of mounting bills & this crap hole car repair.  *sigh*

And tonight we learned Noah has thrush again, which means I likely have it again too (thankfully I'm not feeling pain this time, though I did have a clogged duct for 2 days which was no picnic either!), but he keeps puking up the nystain that was prescribed for him.  I'll try again tomorrow, but I am so tired of this bothersome thrush already!  As if nursing wasn't already rough enough for me.  Just go away!  I know the one thing that helped speed up our time through it before was my taking probiotics.  I only had 10 or 12 days worth, but it made a huge difference in how I felt and I know it made him feel better too.  But problem is, I have no money to get any.  :o(  I wish doctors could prescribe them for Noah & we could use his state insurance to help us get better!  My insurance runs out at the end of the month, so there's not much more I can do for me really aside from use up the rest of my cream & hope it clears up before I'm dropped.  I don't care about me; I just hate to see him uncomfortable.  His tongue is bright white & he's super gassy.  He's just not himself & super fussy.  No fun at all.

And I'm super exhausted all of the time lately.  Just so fatigued that I barely have the energy to do anything, but I trudge along praying to find time to make coffee (but never do).  I also am getting sick of this baby pudge that won't move on it's own.  I want to wear clothes again without people probably wondering when I'm expecting my next baby.  Ugh!  When will I find the time/energy/motivation?!  We need to hook up the Wii fit and get started, but I'm just so freaking tired!  **yawn**  On that note, I'm going to go take Noah to bed and snuggle before he wakes up in, oh, 10 minutes.  Please pray for my family to finally get a break!!  We could sure use one!


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