I am venting in this post. There will be swearing & bitching. Just be warned!
So today was our last day to visit with my mom for the next 6 or 7 weeks. We had a lovely morning & afternoon talking & visiting with her. Maddy really warmed up & called for "gaaamaaa". Mom was SO tickled!! My grandma (mom's mom) & Aunt dropped by as well. We were planning on leaving around 2pm so we'd avoid seeing the devil...I mean, my mom's husband Karl, but we stayed until about 2:20 because I wasn't keeping good track of the time.
I took the girls into the bathroom to go potty before we hit the road & just as we were coming out, Satan arrived...I mean, Karl got to the room. He promptly ignored my little family, saying hi to my brother & grandma (completely skipping over Brian) & not looking at me or the girls once. He was PISSED he discovered we were still there. You could tell within 2 seconds! He asked my mom in a really sarcastic & bitchy tone, "well, what's going on?" and she looked so flustered & didn't know what to say. He took another look at her & said to her in an awful tone, "well fine then. I'm just gonna have to go sit downstairs in the lobby." Walked away w/out her getting to respond & slammed the door shut hard. Poor mom was in tears. I had hugged everyone goodbye at this point except her so I hugged her for a good 5 minutes letting her cry & try to calm herself down. She was so embarrassed & hurt. My heart ached for her & I didn't want to leave at all after that. But I don't want to make things even worse for her & that abusive son of a bitch, so we left her there w/my grandma, aunt & brother. We saw douche-bag scowling in the lobby as we walked out & I swear if he had said 1 word to me, I would've killed him. My blood pressure was boiling & preggo hormones raging.
Just because his family is EXTREMELY dysfunctional & he has no friends or relationships with anyone, doesn't mean he has a right to hurt us. He obviously does not love my mother enough to put his childish behaviors aside and let her enjoy her family--her daughter & grandkids. My brothers never get this treatment from Karl; he has to be jealous of the bond my mom or something. Why else would he deliberately hurt her & do his damnedest to hurt me? Yes, he's a control FREAK & has worse social skills than Sophie does. But damnit, he's almost 55---grow the fuck up buddy!!
We haven't seen mom in the last 6 months because she requested no visitors until she was ready. This whole trip down to PA was her 1st real social interactions & she was really really really looking forward to it. We were both counting down the days to see one another & fucktard ruined our last moment together. It's gonna be at least 6 or 7 weeks until we get to see one another again & it kills me. I HATE being away from my best friend for that long & hate seeing the emotional toll it takes on her. We need each other to stay strong & I feel like I'm letting her down by not getting along w/Karl (though Lord knows I've tried for the past 10+ years to make it work...he is the one who refuses to try to build some sort of relationship with me) and I've written him off in my life. I will play nice for mom's sake, but if Karl were to fall off the face of this Earth tomorrow, I'd say good riddance! I'll dance on his grave when that day comes too. I give my word on that one! I've never truly hated someone so much as I do him. I hate that feeling even being inside, but no amount of praying takes it away. I know he is evil & I know to stay far far away from him. I just wish mom could open her eyes.
Everything is always about him...he's selfish & never takes my sweet mom's feelings or opinions into consideration. So what if she is fighting *literally* for her life right now & the extra stress could really hurt her chances of recovery. So what if she wants to spend time with her family who loves her? In his opinion, she doesn't deserve it. He'd probably preferred her to just stay up in NY forever & never see any of us again. That's what he really wants. Selfish prick! Why won't you EVER put your spouse first? I put my kids & hubby before me most of the time because I love & respect them & want THEM to be happy even if it means I have to compromise some of my own happiness. But I guess because Karl's parents didn't love him enough, he figures he's the only person who counts now.
I almost wish Karl would be physically abusive, because then other people would see how he is. Emotional & mental abuse are difficult to prove & embarrassing to talk about for the victim. My mom is a victim in their marriage & does not have the strength to stand up and say enough is enough. I will continue to love & support her, but I will also continue to pray for an escape plan for her to get out of that toxic relationship. My brother Adam refuses to see it either because he only ever witnesses Karl w/out me around. He's blind to how this man treats his mother...probably because it's easier to ignore it than deal with it. But I'm glad my brother Aaron was there today to witness Karl's psycho behavior. It was only a small taste of what he's truly like, but just knowing that him (and my grandma & aunt) all witnessed how awful his behavior to the woman he "supposedly" loves & the people she loves...maybe my side of the story will now be better understood.
My heart breaks for my mom. She's constantly making excuses for his behaviors & is being embarrassed by him time & time again. I just wish so badly I could kidnap her away & show her that not all people are soul-less idiots like Karl. There are truly decent men out there (and it's also fine to just be an independent single woman again like she used to be!) & she doesn't have to settle for Karl & his vindictive behaviors.
I am teaching my girls to love their Grandma (not hard at all to do with the best grandma ever!), but know that "grandpa" is a very very bad man. He makes mommy cry & makes grandma cry & he is dangerous to be around. They will NEVER be allowed to be alone w/him. EVER. I refuse to let them become more of his victims & if that means their relationship with Grandma will suffer some for it, then so be it. I was hurt too many times & have given that dick-head too many chances to ever want to let my kids deal with it. We will not be going to visit her as long as she's with him & they will not be going anywhere w/out me along that he is going to be in attendance. Now the minute she decides it's time to leave him, I'll gladly let them have overnights or outings. I just can't trust my kids being in a situation where he might be around--I don't trust him one bit!
So please pray for strength for my mom. She needs love, support & strength to get her through this. I pray that once her treatments are over, she will be able to open her eyes to the abuse she's enduring & be able to get out from under it. I will love & support her through it all & will be in NY in a moment's notice to help her leave that scumbag.